Poetry can be found over at my   skaggy the poet  blog.

While the cinema I went to has long been knocked down my love for Star Wars is still going strong as the blog proves, but thinking back to that day I’m always surprised that one film came to have such an impact on the world and little old me.

I spoke to my mum and dad about what they remember about me after I saw Star Wars, they remembered when I saved my pocket-money for the novel of the film and how pleased I was it had photos in, ( no DVDs then, in fact no videos either.)

Also they remember me having an action figure ( Death star commander if my memory serves me correctly. )

But the major thing they remember is all the drawings I did, none of these survive but I have tried to reconstruct one here.

I often wonder what my seven-year old self would make of the fact that after all this time Star Wars still continues to have such a big influence on me and the world in general. I wonder what a seven-year old Skaggy might say if he could see how that one film he saw 35 years ago has grown so big and he could see the countless spin offs it spawned including the MMO that takes up so much of my time ( when I’m not playing Diablo that is.)

Well to be honest I’m pretty sure my seven would just look at me and say , ” duh of course it was going to be big it was a great film ! “

So there I was in a tomb with a damp problem trying to find my lightsabre when who should turn up but my rival, you remember the one who wants my destiny. Well he only tried to make good on his threat to assassinate me, fortunately he slipped on some Klorslug droppings and fell in a deep pit and I pinched his lightsabre, well he wasn’t going to need it and it saved me time. I told my tutor we had dueled for hours before I struck him down, I’m sure it’s what my rival would have wanted.

Day fourteen.

Today I graduate . I’m just off to the ceremony in a few minutes. I haven’t decided what to do my post-graduate thesis on yet, Hutt economics sounds interesting but then a better application of force choking is also good, decisions !

Day fifteen

Woke up in the med-bay, the last thing I remember was graduating and throwing my lightsabre in the air to celebrate then it all goes blank. The med droid tells me I’m one of the lucky ones as I only lost an ear and that cleaning droids still can’t get the blood stains out the carpet in the graduation hall.

As if things couldn’t get any worse my tutor popped in to see how I was and told me that the Twi’lek with verbal diarrhoea has been assigned to me as my post-graduate slave. I instructed the med-droid to increase my pain killers and tried to sleep wondering if my new ear has an off switch.

Interrogation class has been postponed until tomorrow as last night our tutor was assassinated. Breakfast gossip was that the tutor was a pawn in a power play by Darth Im-evil against Darth No-Im-evil, that’s all well and good but killing tutors is surely not productive to us students. Worse was to come as because of this unexpected hiccup the academy decided to fill the gap in our course with a film on the mating rituals of Klorslugs to keep us occupied.

Day eleven.

A new tutor joined us today they seemed quite nervous but at least my staring practice has paid off as at last we had interrogation class. I was doing quite well interrogation wise until I had to deal with a very chatty Twi’lek who despite all my best efforts and hardest stares would not shut up. I was certain I was going to fail then I had a brain wave and began to read aloud from my Klorslug mating ritual notes, soon the Twi’lek was begging for mercy and I got a commendation.

Day twelve.

The final assignment was announced today, I am to find a lightsabre. While I am excited I can’t get rid of the feeling that the whole course had been just a little rushed as it only started a few days ago. Then there was some terrible news it seems the tombs that hold my potential lightsabre can only be accessed with the help of the chatty Twi’lek from yesterday, apparently only she knows the secrets of the tomb to help me get in.

This is so representative of all the problems at the academy and on Korriban in general, everyone is so busy trying to kill each other that the infrastructure of our society is falling to bits. I can’t help but think that there needs to be a little less assassination and a lot more study.

At last we’ve been allowed out of the academy for our first field assignment, I must admit I was extra excited and was up all night polishing my weapon. But what a let down it all was when I found out all we had to do was clear a temple of a K’lor’slug infestation.

I mean I enrolled in the academy to be a Sith marauder not a pest controller, we’re the Empire, don’t we have slaves for this sort of thing ? I am dreading further assignments in case we’re asked to do traffic duty and clamp badly parked speeders or collect unpaid fines.

Day 6

I met my sponsor today Darth Watchyourback, he says I’m destined for greatness, destined for boredom more like as he went on and on and I missed my lunch.

Day 7

Being destined for greatness isn’t all I thought it might be, I asked my tutor if it meant I got bonus marks in any tests but he just said it might entitle me to a bonus force choking if I didn’t shut up.

Day 8.

My destiny is the talk of the academy and I’ve attracted a rival who states he’s destined for greatness as well and I’d best get out of his way. I assured him there’s probably more than enough destiny to go round but his response was to threaten to assassinate me, how ungrateful. Practiced my intimidating stare as interrogation is on the timetable tomorrow.

Dear diary,

I have no idea what the time or day is since my instructor has confiscated all my belongings but I am happy to write that I have survived my induction at the Sith academy and have taken what I hope is the first step towards becoming a feared dark lord.

OK I have lofty ambitions but my mom’s last words to me were, ” think big son.” Well that’s not really true what she actually said was, ” have you got enough sandwiches for the trip. “

Anyway I digress today was spent familiarizing myself with the academy rules, which are quite straightforward as the penalty for not doing anything is death.

For example if you are late to class you are killed, if you assassinate another student ( and get caught ) you get killed and if you aren’t evil enough you are killed. In hindsight they are pretty straightforward, it’s a pity we weren’t tested on them as I think I would have scored well.

Day Two.

My instructor issued me with my trainee lightsabre today, I was immediatley told off for waving it around and making a swishing sound apparently that lesson is for advanced students only.

Day Three.

I raised a gripe with my instructor in that  I think it’s quite bad considering I am a pure blood Sith that I should have to attend classes with ex-slaves. My instructor said there is a two-year waiting list to join the academy therefore class space is at a premium , he even hinted that some Sith are so bored of waiting they are becoming Jedi Knights. Really what is the galaxy coming to !

Day Four.

Our lesson today was a very boring lecture on Korriban and featured important rules to remember when we go outside soon.

For example the Tuk’ata beasts that roam freely are not friendly and don’t like to play fetch. Unless it’s with a student’s severed limbs.

Also it appears Korriban’s many tombs are the haunt of tomb raiders who pillage this planet’s great repository of antiquities for quick credits. When I asked my instructor why this vile robbery was allowed to continue he advised me that students needed targets to practice on and training droids are quite expensive.

In spite of this I am very excited as tomorrow we are to be issued with our first assignment, I can’t wait to get started and perhaps even be allowed to switch my trainee light sabre on !

Crusade are a fun loving bunch always on the lookout for new players of all classes and skill ranges.

Interested then click on the page above to learn more or if you see myself or amy other crusader in game shoot us a tell for more details.

and I thought he sounds familiar, then it hit me,

Now you know where inspiration comes from.

Anakin, ” Well you know master, I couldn’t find a speeder that I really liked. “

The Tirsa Elite is like its name suggests only for the elite, you won’t find this baby in any Tirsa showroom , oh no this speeder is so exclusive that you have to go out and slay a deluded demigod just to be in with the chance of owning one.  Of course this makes you wonder why Tirsa ever bothered to build it but anyway on with the review.

So is the Tirsa Elite worth all the effort it takes to get hold of one ? Is it worth wading through insane robots, pig-ugly lava eating monsters and more trash mobs than you can shake a light sabre at to own ? Well wonder no more because after ” losing ” more than twenty-five interns we at SWTOR from scratch have managed to obtain one of these rare machines and here’s what we think.

Being the antisocial Sith ” reviewer ” I am I immediately fired up the Elite in the station cantina and made tracks to my space ship’s hanger. First impressions were good there was plenty of room and a nice big boot if I needed to bring any companions along. I headed down to Corellia to zoom around the Black hole  and that’s where the good first impression was quickly  shattered.

Trying to navigate the tight corridors of Corellia space port in the Tirsa  was like trying to ride a blind Bantha on a dark night after a heavy session on Gamorrean beer. Once I got out of the space port things got a little better as even though the Elite seemed bigger than the shuttle to the Black hole I managed to get on board and land on some decent roadway.

As I cruised around I was pleased to notice the attention I drew, however this pleasure was short-lived as a glance at my reflection showed that there was a hole in the bottom of the Elite that caused my cape to show !

I cannot believe that such an incredible design fault got through production, I mean are Tirsa sub-contracting their speeders out to Jawas now ? Imagine if I pulled up at Darth Malgus’ pad for his inauguration only to find my best dress cloak had been ruined on the way. He’d be force choking me before I even got chance to sample a Tauntaun starter.

So I parked the Elite and headed to the nearest cantina to contact other speeder reviewers to see what they thought of it. Not surprisingly several were dead having failed in their attempts to obtain an Elite to review in the first place, I also heard reports of other reviewers keen to test the Elite plummeting into the lava in the Eternity vault after finding it has the jumping capacity of a stunted Jawa.

So the Tirsa Elite , the speeder that isn’t coming to a show room near you anytime soon. The speeder that you get into thinking you’ve bought a Twi’lek only to realise you’ve really bought a Hutt.

What do you do when you have a face full of piercings that sets the detectors off at spaceports ?

What do you do when you have the galaxies’ oddest looking beard ?

Simple.

Put a hat on !

And put the bathrobe down the garbage disposal chute.